Monday, February 5, 2018

My Stupid and Unnecessary D&D Cosmology

So, cosmology. It's very rare in most campaigns for the planes, theology, and origins of the multiverse to be at all relevant beyond what mortals THINK is true, but in my games this stuff comes up all the time. That, and the typical OSR fashion is to simplify things and cut the fat, and I figured, fuck that, why not go against the grain and go so stupid-cosmic that Planescape has to get on my level? So, without further adieu: Aura's Stupid and Unnecessary D&D Cosmology.


In the beginning, and perhaps after the end, there were the Far Realms, maybe. Their nature will be discussed later, but for now, Sages believe it to be a sort of alternate multiverse or primordial chaos of infinite possibility, bubbling and dissolving. There was one such bubble of ethereal protomatter, still and quiescent, free of change, causality, and time. Or so the theory goes.

Perhaps a passing Elder Thing or Outer God stuck in an appendage and swirled it before moving on, as some sort of incidental Prime Mover. And the swirling Ether eventually coalesced into the Planes of Positive and Negative energy. They spun about, endless founts of Creation and Destruction, constantly energizing and polarizing forces around them, until the planes of Fire, Water, Earth, and Air stabilzed around them. From then on, intersectional Elemental Planes of all possible interactions were born. Mud, Salt, Vacuum, Steam, Radiance, Smoke....eventually, Phosphorous, Uranium, Gold, Sodium, etcetera, with the Positive and Negative Energy Planes intersect to create Temporal Energy.

All Positive Energy eventually transitions and converts to the Negative Energy Plane, and in however many kalpas, eventually it is all that will remain. This is Entropy, and the Temporal Energy Plane measures this, and all possible transitions of time. The timeline(s).

Eventually, all the possible extant Elemental Planes intersected to create the Prime Material Plane, though parts of it were too bright and dark to stabilize, creating the mirror worlds of Feywild and Shadowfell. More on these two, later. There are infinite worlds in the Prime Material, as Temporal Energy made every possible outcome of causality extant in its own timeline. Indeed, even if you root down to the First Cause, there are infinite worlds for every POSSIBLE first cause. The Feywild and Shadowfell mirror every possible Prime Material World, and intersect with every possible Elemental plane, save for the Energy Planes. Positive/Temporal/Negative already map to Feywild/Prime/Shadowfell.

The Feywild is the plane where things are more alive, more manic. Everything can talk and bargain here. Everything lives. Every passion is given drive. This plane can change you, and make you a more manic, impulsive, inconsistent person. The Shadowfell is a more dead world. Illusions persist here, forms without substance and substance without form. It is a more mutable plane but its people are more static. The moroseness and depression makes you more resistant to change, drive, and passion. You're reduced, made less.

The Ethereal Plane has near and far shores; the Near Ethereal is less a plane and more a phase-shift to the Material. The state of being intangible. The Ethereal Plane connects all the elemental and material worlds; Demiplanes can exist out here, and you can reach other Prime Material planes save for ones based on your own direct timeline. From Oerth to Krynn, as opposed to Alternate Oerth.

There is also the Astral Plane, the plane born of thought and memory, which connects to and contains the Outer Planes, as in Planescape. The world of Beliefs and Ethos made manifest. The Ethereal and Astral planes intersect to create the Dream Plane, the world where Thought Appears To Have Form. The Dream Plane intersects with the Outer Planes to create the Questing Grounds, the Plane of Narrative, where Thoughts and Symbols Appear to Have Meaning. Archetypes, stories, and narrative causality rule here. Here, travel is only made by progressing stories, and distance is measured by how long a story is told.

The Inner and Outer Planes intersect to create the Ordial Plane, where Belief has Substance. The Plane of Proof. It is the Akashic Records. Anything can be learned and proved here, but this is a perilous place, because ANYTHING can be PROVED here, even if it's not true.
Many who search the Ordial Plane for Truth end up being lost in their truth, and are trapped in a fantasy world of confirmation bias.

The Intersection between Ordial and Narrative is the Meta-World, which intersects with the Multiverse and the Real World. It's the plane of the 4th Wall, where PCs can become aware of the actual truth of their world, and transcend what they are. This plane leads to other campaign worlds and RPG systems. PCs can talk directly to their players and the GM here, and in a text-based game can actually read the text. Portals here lead not to planes, but to stories; different campaigns in the same world, or a movie and its sequel, would all be separate portals.

There is the Mirror Plane; the world behind every mirror. It connects all possible Prime Worlds, essentially where Temporal Energy meets Dream; Alice could tell you all about it, honestly.

The Dungeon Plane is one of the only planes that touches all others, and one of the planes where Demiplanes can be created (the others being Ethereal, Astral, Dream, and Meta). It is alive, and cancerous. An infinite, ever-evolving Megadungeon. It is sentient but perhaps not intelligent. It grows and burrows into the other planes, connecting to places that could be defined as 'dungeon' and expanding them into true Dungeons. These dungeons are like split personalities or perhaps offspring, separate mindshards that can grow into their own. It is the Mythic Underworld, but not the place of the dreaming dead. Every dungeon contains a secret exit into the Dungeon Plane, and thus from Dungeon you can reach all possible places, save for perhaps a place of true peace.

Good luck finding one of those.

The Far Realms are...'not'. There is nothing outside the Outer Planes. Nothing inside the Inner Planes. Nothing before or after the end of time. Nothing on the other side of Dream where no one observes.
But if you go to these places, you find the Madness.

The Far Realms are the Minus World, basically; it's a mindrape zone created phenomelogically when you try to perceive Something where there is Nothing. Perhaps the Far Realm is not truly an alternate cosmology; perhaps it's the Abyss. Not the familiar abyss of chaos and evil... but the Abyss of Choronzon.

The things you encounter there are Not-Things. Hallucinations and shapes in the void moving with agency and half-life because of your perception. If your mind can survive this ego-death, and traverse to the other side of the Far Realms.... you would find a truly empty space, defined by none but you.
You are God.


Maker Anew, of a place that can never be where you were before; purified of every mental and spiritual flaw with no regard to the safety or well-being of your mortal ego-identity.

This is where multiverses come from.

Sunday, December 10, 2017

Homestuck Trolls

So. Homestuck. That webcomic that took over the internet from 2009 to 2014. I'm not going to make a big thing about explaining the lore, there's way too much here. I'm just going to adapt the Troll race. For fluff details, go to the wiki here.

Mechanically, Trolls have a subrace for every blood color, but there's commonalities. Simplified, they are:

+2 STR, +2 DEX, -2 WIS, with Daylight Sensitivity as a Drow.

Additionally, roll a 1d100 for Blood Color, or ask your DM.

01-20:  Rustblood
21-36: Bronzeblood
37-52: Goldblood
53-64: Oliveblood
65-74: Jadeblood
*69: Candyblood
75-82: Tealblood
83-88: Ceruleanblood
89-92: Indigoblood
93-96: Purpleblood
97-98 Violetblood
99: Fuschiablood
00:  Limeblood

Rustbloods receive +1 INT in addition to the above traits and tend to live 40-60 years.

Bronzebloods receive only a -1 WIS penalty, and tend to live 50-90 years.

Goldbloods receive +1 INT in addition to the above traits and tend to live 70-120 years.

Candybloods receive +2 to a stat of their choice, and have lifespans equal to a human's. This is a mutant blood color, and should not technically exist.

Limebloods receive +3 CHA and have no Wisdom penalties in addition to the above traits, and live 100-160 years. This is, in most settings, an extinct blood color.

Olivebloods receive +2 DEX in addition to the above traits and live 150-240 years.

Jadebloods receive +2 CHA and have no Wisdom penalties in addition to the above traits, and live 180-270 years. In addition, they do not have Daylight Sensitivity.

Tealboods receive no Wisdom penalty, and live 225-400 years.

Ceruleanbloods receive +1 to CHA and one other stat of their choice, and live 300-500 years.

Indigobloods receive +3 STR instead of the normal STR bonus, and live 325-800 years.

Purplebloods receive +2 STR, +3 CON, -3 WIS, -1 INT instead of the usual ability modifiers, and live 450-1000 years.

Violetbloods +2 DEX in addition to the usual ability modifiers, and live 750-1500 years.

Fuschiabloods receive +2 to every ability score, and can live forever.

Your Blood Color gives a modifier to Saves vs. Psionic Powers and Mind-Effecting affects as follows:

Rustbloods: -5
Bronzebloods: -4
Goldbloods: -3
Candybloods: -2
Olivebloods: -1
Jadebloods: 0
Tealbloods: +1
Ceruleanbloods: +2
Indigobloods: +3
Purplebloods: +4
Limebloods: +5
Violetbloods: +10

Fuschiabloods are utterly immune to psionics.

To determine whether or not your troll gains Psionic powers, roll a d100 and add the following modifiers
+30: Rustbloods
+25: Bronzebloods
+20: Goldbloods
+10: Olivebloods
0: Jadebloods
-5: Tealbloods
-10: Ceruleanbloods
-20: Indigobloods
-40: Purplebloods

If the result is a 50 or higher, your troll is a Wild Talent psionic, however that's handled in your system. At 60+,they gain an additional psionic power for every ten points above 50 they rolled.

Seadwellers  (Violetbloods and Fuschiabloods) may not have Psionic Powers through this racial trait. In compensation, they can breathe water as well as air and can maneuver perfectly in water as aquatic lifeforms.

Candybloods are to be treated as Jadebloods due to being similar to humans in most ways, and Limebloods are always psionic and need not roll. In fact, when determening their Wild Talents, treat them as if they rolled 100.

As a final note, if you're using Race-as-Class, simply have them advance as Fighters, Psionics, or as a modifier Elf that has stagger psionic progression instead of spellcasting. Also, I'd like to thank my friend Carson for helping me crunch some numbers. He's a boo. <3

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

World Trees

A gargantuan tree, that can be seen from miles away. It is seen in the center of the world. It is also outside the world, keeping it in its branches. Both are true. The Tree is at the center, wherever the center is defined to be.

The Tree is God. It may not be the Person who designed the world, but it is the root. It is deity not because of agenda, power, or worship, but because it is more real than you. It is the Root of the Real. It preserves harmony and balance and stability purely because it is. If the Tree is sickly, or if it dies, the world follows suit. Perhaps the causality is reversed. Sometimes the death of the Tree does not end the world, but it does change it. Perhaps the Tree can be regrown. Perhaps it left Seeds. Perhaps the God-Tree IS a person, and it must be regrown through the sacrifice of a willing saint.

The rebirth of the Tree is Rebirth and Renewal and the Order of Things. It is Eternity, and the tree might extend into the World Beyond. Its roots certainly grow downward into the Underworld. Its highest branches hold the Heavens. It is not merely that the Tree is the World and Nature. It is not merely God or Eternity. The Tree is Connection and Oneness. If the World is in the Branches, you can walk anywhere from anywhere. If the Tree has flowers and fruits, it grows them all, including those that exist nowhere else. It is not merely an Ash Tree; it's all trees that have ever grown, could ever be grown. Could possibly be grown.

The Tree Is Oneness and Connection to Everything. If you make a Promise in the presence of the World Tree, it is binding. A Promise under the World Tree is a guarantee. It is certainly true that the fruit of the World Tree is a treasure to consume. Perhaps its juices can raise the dead, or perhaps partaking of its flesh can heal any illness, or bestow unimagined magical power and vitality upon the eater. But this is a thing that must be earned. Wisdom can be obtained by suffering or meditating under a Tree, and there are often similar trials to earn the fruits of a tree. To steal a fruit is to curse yourself and your descendants with the First of Crimes. Death is granted instead of rebuked. Corruption is born. You stole Oneness and thus fractured the Wholeness.

Often, the Tree is an idea as much as it is a thing. The Tree is the virtues or founding principles of the world. The schema of Why the World Is. The beacon through which the Light of God is within the world.

There are corruptions of the World Tree. Qlippothic emanations. It divides, it corrupts. It consumes everything into itself, and subverts promises into Faustian regrets. This Tree is healthy because the land is sick. Its fruits birth monsters, its flowers are poisons. It is the model of the world's undoing, the vices and subversions of how the world must work if it is to perservere. Its survival is a curse, its seeds a plague.

The Oneness is subverted. There is one World Tree, but of these counterparts, there could be countless. With no harmony or balance, an invasive species that overgrows like a kudzu.

You have to stop them.

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Fuck Negative Levels, Negative Classes!

So before you read any further please read Basic Red's Crazy Boys article. I'll wait. It's super good and if you haven't read it already you're wasting my time.

... Got it? Good.

I love this. This immediately replaced ordinary Level Drain for me, because honestly fuck that shit no one enjoys it, not even sadistic GMs because the number-crunching in reverse is annoying. I've changed it even from Basic Red's idea, however, and so that's why we're here.

First of all, don't change XP. The most recent level is turned into a Crazy Boy/Bitch level. When you gain a level, not only do you gain an ordinary level up, but you can change a single Crazy Boy level back to normal. You can also choose to continue advancing as a Crazy Boy, if you want to run that story arc. Anything that cures Level Drain cures Crazy Boy levels.

Instead of becoming an NPC at Name Level, the change happens when you run out of normal levels. As for what you become, well...I'll get to that. Everything else is the same.

Except you don't lose class features. At least, you don't lose them for nothing. Class features are inverted. That ability you got in your most recent level is reversed into an anti-ability of some sort.

Spellcasters are easy; spells you learned that level are twisted, or cleric spell slots are negatized to an opposite divinity. If you were a necromancer, your infected spells are Vivimancy spells. If you were an illusionist, your spells now purely affect the Real, or are spells to make true things not.

Other supernatural abilities are generally pretty easy. A Paladin's most-recent level is now a Blackguard level even if they're still a good person. A psionicist's mental powers now draw purely off their dark and terrifying subconscious id instead of representing their mental discipline. A bard's music demoralizes and emotionally destroys their enemies instead of bolstering and uplifting their friends.

The mundane abilities of classes like the fighter and thief are a bit more difficult, but just remember that you're inverting these abilities to be subversive and entropic. For a Fighter, for example, their lowering base to-hit is replaced with standard undead immunities. They're slowly given more and more resistances, immunities, and no-sells to various means of harm and other conditions. They slowly become invincible, immune to more and more forms of magic, ignoring more and more weapons and elements. They stand there, having less and less means of retaliation, but become better and better walls. They are the Anti-Fighter, because combat is futile. You can't stop them, and they can't accomplish anything.

The rogue, meanwhile, becomes more based around subverting the success of others. The corruption of a thief makes their skills succeed by making it more difficult for others. They open doors by breaking locks and destroying traps so they can't be disabled again afterwards. They climb walls by splurching upwards like horrid slugs, greasing the walls behind them with slippery slime. They become less adept at stealing things because they end up destroying what they try to take, thus no one has it.

The corruption of these Negative Classes implies the truth of what's happening. The more one is corrupted by Level Drain, the more they become a Monster. Rather than being totally normal until they lose all their levels and insta-corrupting into a Wight or whatever, it is a gradual process that can be observed step by step. When the process is complete, the former PC rises as an entirely unique undead abomination, with unholy powers unique shadows of what they could do in life. Invert everything, at this point. They might have normal to-hit, saves, and hit dice as they're not longer punished PCs, but their powers still remain qlippothic antagonisms.

Additionally all creatures with Energy Drain should have some additional special effect to reflect this. For instance, Vampires should make you more and more like a vampire in addition to everything else, and ghosts should slowly possess you with their own thoughts and emotions, creating a gradual overwriting of your original will rather than the ghost just piloting your body.

For instance, my party recently dealt with a child-wight that played off their protective instincts by pretending to be an innocent waif needing protection. As they held him, played with him, walked with him as they held hands, he sapped their soul. With the Energy Drain came a progressive Charm effect, making them more and more obsessed with the child-wight's safety and happiness. You know Omen where Damien basically telepathically brainwashes his mother? Yea, that shit.

You're doing Level Drain wrong. Do this. It's way better. Hell, your players might actually WANT to get Energy Drained. And if that's what they want, well.... hehehe.

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Platinum Pieces Are Bullshit

So I'm not going to retread old ground, here; if you're reading this blog you've probably heard of using Silver Standard or perhaps even Copper Standard currency in D&D. In case you haven't, the basic low-down is that using gold as the standard is not only historically inaccurate, but is bad game design; starting level 1 players with 3d6 x 10 GP is way too much, and creates a set of expectations where 40 GP in a chest is a rounding error instead of a reason for people to squabble, draw swords, and go crazed with greed. Fuck that.

In such a Silver/Copper standard, you basically change all instances of 'GP' to the proper coinage, increasing the value of everything else accordingly. A sword worth 10 GP in your player's handbook is now 10 SP in Silver Standard, etc. To facilitate this, atleast one adventure module I've seen (Isle of the Unknown for the Lamentations of the Flame Princess gameline) uses Tin Pieces as a lower-than-Copper coinage.

Now, this is interesting, as metallurgically, tin is less common and thus more valuable than copper, but alchemically, this makes sense. The idea of coins having alchemical significance is an appealing one, because gold pieces and gems are implied by the rules to have inherent magical significance. What else could it mean to have spells cost arbitrary amounts of money in material components possibly mean? Gems might have mystical symbolism, like a Rose Quartz being an emotional healing stone, but gold seems to act as a natural conductor of magic for all general purposes.

 So, what do we do about Platinum Pieces? Most would tell you that there's not really any need for a better-than-gold piece, but we can justify it, because gold is not actually the final product of alchemy. Turning lead to gold is merely a process, not the end goal. Alchemy is about spiritual purification and elevation of the soul. The Magnum Opus is the process of purifying the soul by way of learning to manipulate the world; transmutation is essentially metaphor.

In this model, Tin Pieces are the unworked lead, and Copper Pieces are the first step; Nigredo, the blackening which represents putrefaction and spiritual death. It represents the soul meeting itself, and forced to face the worst of its inner nature. Obviously, Copper isn't a black material, but it does have associations. Copper decompose and oxidizes in time, becoming green and eventually blackish. Additionally, of all the major metals discussed here, it's the most biologically oriented, involved in dietary management, and often being created from traces of petrified organic matter. It even has associations with degradation of the soul; elevated copper levels have been linked to the onset of alzheimer's.

Silver is Albedo, the whitening or purification, and is quite an intuitive match, here. Silver is a metal of purity and sacred, anti-evil power in most mythologies; it has associations with the moon, and with harming or repelling evil or unnatural creatures. In many real-world magical traditions, it's also associated with witchcraft. The Alchemical Magnum Opus discussed Albedo as the separating of opposites for later reunification; remember this point.

Gold is usually associated with Rubedo, but it's also been associated with Citrinas, the yellowing or transmutation. It is here that silver is turned to gold, and the power of solar symbolism is utilized. This is also fairly obvious; gold has sun associations in D&D and various religions, and has a more celestial presence. It's associated typically with mainstream religions in power symbolism, and also has mystical governance over the material world. Money can buy everything, and all that.

Rubedo, the Reddening, is the finale of the process. The end of the Great Work. This is the wholeness. Silver and Gold and all other opposites come together to create spiritual and material perfection. It's the production of the Philosopher's Stone, and rather than the stone being a magical chemical that turns lead into gold or create immortality potions, it's in fact the ability to create them that lets the alchemist perform these tasks.

So, we'll call these Philosopher's Stone Pieces, or PP for consistency. What sort of society would produce these Rubedo Coins and be able to trade in them? This would be a society wherein anyone capable of minting coins is necessarily spiritually perfect and immortal. An entire society of eternal people in a D&D-verse? That's your high-magic ancient empire. Those are always decadent, and they either destroy themselves or become forces of villainy.

And if we're going to act on pop cultural interpretations of the Philosopher's Stone, like in the Fullmetal Alchemist anime? These red shits are made out of goddamn human souls.

Under a Silver Standard, a Philosopher's Stone Piece is worth 1,000 SP, or 100 GP, continuing the pattern. This would make their worth consistent with the material costs of most resurrection spells in D&D. This also implies unfortunate production methods.

Philosopher's Stone Pieces can only be produced through the sacrifice of sapient souls, equal to one coin per HD/Level of the soul. A 0-level humanoid would be worth 1/10th of a coin.

So there's a society of powerful immortals that are, if not extinct, are secretive, non-interventionist, and thus probably extraplanar. Why are children spirited away? It's not by the fey; it's this society, needing to print some more coinage. This could be the fate of their slaves and prisoners. The worth of this currency might not seem to be worth the sacrifices, save their high, high value. Non-human immortals like elves and fairies all respect this currency even if they don't recognize gold and silver, and when dealing with demons, devils, and other soul-merchants of the planes, these coins are worth six times their normal value.

To that end? An immortal who doesn't want to sell their soul could coax their heart's desire out of the Devil's mitts, if they can sacrifice a sufficient number of high-level adventurers, in a form convenient for innocuously passing around, laundering, and spending.

Carrying trade goods around isn't very practical after all. Whether they're bundles of crops, bars of gold, or the wailing damned...

Thursday, September 7, 2017

d30 Things in the Wizard's Chamberpot

So your party finds a chamberpot under the wizard's bed in his secret laboratory and look in it. For...some reason. What could be inside this Magical Realm?

1. Piss and shit. What did you expect?
2. Chocolate and lemonade. No really! The fuck?
3. Fungi of Wonder, eat it and get fuckin' high!
4. Fungi of Wonder, eat it and fuckin' die!
5. Fungi of Wonder, eat it for a Rod of Wonder (or some other random effects table you love) effect.
6. Fucking Goblins. Right where you would expect them to be, playing around in the shot like its snow.
7. Some dude named Jack.
8. A fucking devil. It'll pull your soul out your was ass and go back in.
9. All kinds of bullshit. Its a Chamberpot of Holding!
10. All kinds of bullshit. There's a Minotaur nearby...
11. His soul. He's a lich and he never thought anyone would plunder a fucking chamberpot. You fucking nutcase.
12. A portal to Hell. Demons give him power in exchange for shitting on the damned.
13. Its a portal to Heaven. Holy Shit!
14. Yourself, looking into a chamberpot. Woaaaah.
15. A random potion.
16. Holy water. least it used to be. Undead will still recoil from it because. Fucking E.W.
17. Gold!
18. A Piss Elemental, and its pissed!
19. Yo Momma! No seriously. You've finally found her after all these years.
20. A princess. Someone will pay a huge reward for her...if you restore her to expected finery. She won't go home smelling like this.
21. An entire city of halflings, or drow, or whatever race you want to imply is worthless shit.
22. Its his homebrew! Add A link to someone's blog you wanna throw shade at! Ohhhhh snap, you just implied it's shit! Be nice though and put like a magic item or something from their page in here.
23. Its his homebrew! There's some potent booze here. Save against blindness and memory loss, but get xp as if from carousing.
24. Your waifu. Roll up a random anime girl to be your follower. See "Your Waifu is Shit" sub-table.
25. Your husbando. As above but a dude.
26. Its a Warp Pipe! Jump in and come out somewhere else.
27. Its a Warp Pipe...and a Piranha Plant jumps out!
28. A beanstock grows out into the sky as soon as you look. You can climb it to some mystical cloud world.
29. It turns out the power was inside him all along. And then he shat it out. Eat his excrement and gain a spell slot.
30. A fairy. It'll grant you a wish for freeing it!

 "Your Waifu is Shit" d12 Table:

Waifus (and Husbandos) are shit. Anime is shit, and it was a mistake, just like looking in the wizard's chamberpot. Your character now has a new love-interest whether you want to or not, and you can't get rid of them conveniently or easily due to comedic shenanigans. They're a free follower who you never need to check Morale or Loyalty for; they are your soulmate. You poor bastard.

1. Tsundere - "It's not like I like you or anything..." This type of character loves you, and hates showing it. As jealous, possessive, sweet, or head over heels for you they might be, they present a sour, abrasive face. They'll insult you, deny liking you, and keep griping about how much of a pain you are, but suspiciously refuse to disengage. Rather, they'll berate you for neglecting them, if anything. But once you crack their shell, they're more of a classical love interest.

2. Yandere - "Tell me you love me too...or else." You ever read Misery? Yeaaaaa. This character is, on the surface, the perfect lover. You're their highest priority. You're their only priority. You're their only...anything. They need you more than you've ever need anything, and nothing will stop them from having you. Not other girls. Not your parents. Not the law. Not even your own consent. And they tend to solve their problems bloodily. Being theirs isn't optional, but if you go along with it, you can't ask for a more devoted slave and bodyguard.

3. Dandere - " that book, too? I've never...met someone else who..." While wearing glasses and being into books isn't necessary for this archetype, it's quite common. Danderes are your typical shy, quiet girl who doesn't speak much on their own, and has to come out of their shell. They'll never make the first move, and generally think they don't have a chance with the person they like. In 80's high school movies, this is the 'ugly and unpopular' girl who always gets the make-over for the finale. Except we all know they were hotter before. We all liked Velma more than Daphne, don't even lie.

4. Kuudere - "..." These characters are like emotionless robots. Either they're emotionally stunted and never show emotion and/or don't understand it, or perhaps they literally have no emotions. Usually they get written off as having no personality, as opposed to just a shy one. They tend not to know about this thing you call Love, but when they start feeling it, tend to take a purely servile role. They're perfect slaves.

5. Deredere - "AHH~! You make me the happiest person in the world!" The more classical love interest archetype. This type of person is cheerful, kind, energetic, and affectionate. They'll almost always make the first move, and pretty much are total Pollyanna types; they bounce back from everything, don't hold grudges, and always see the bright side. They'll be your biggest advocate.

6. Himedere/Oujidere - "Ohohoho~! So this is how commoners eat. How quaint." The Princess or Prince type; whether or not they're actually royalty, or affluent, they have magnificent taste and decorum, excellent manners, and a powerful charisma. They're often haughty and elegant, and treat dating you as a favor toward you. They'll pretty much never take a submissive role, and are always highly ambitious. They wear the pants, and they're gonna be ten-thousand dollar designer pants imported from Paris or some bullshit.

7. Utsudere - "I don't want to die without being loved... please don't leave." This character is just sad. They have trouble trusting their current happiness. Maybe their last lover raped them, or they have a terminal illness and will be dead within the year or whatever. They're desperate and self-defeating. They crave hope desperately, but they're too conditioned to despair to hold onto it.

8. Undere - "Me too, I also think that!" These are yesmen. They think the best tactic to hold onto their loved one is to say yes as much as possible; they'll agree with anything. You know the type, 'wow what a coincidence we have the same favorites and all your ideas are good!"

9. Bakadere - "U-uwah! Sorry...sorry! Sorry...oops... sorry..." The cute, clumsy idiot. As sweet and innocent as they are, they're so dumb and useless it overshadows all their good points. Anything they try to do, even as simple as holding a tray of drinks, is doomed to go disastrously. If possible, it will wound up in an erotically charged manner, like stumbling over in such a way that you get a panty shot or get a face full of boob-smush.

10. Hajidere - "U-u-u-we...u-um...I-I...I l-l-li...lik-AH!" This is the shy, embarassed, flummoxed archetype. They can never just spit out what they feel, and even the slightest sign of affection makes them too red in the face to function. If you don't push them, they probably won't so much as hold your hand until your honeymoon. They have some sort of anxiety disorder or something.

11. Kanedere - "You're my little golden boy, $weetie." The gold-digger. They love you, they'll shower you in all the love and affection you could ever want. As long as the money flows. They'll always sweeten the relationship if you give them gifts or keep them financially secure. They might not immediately leave you if the coppers run dry, but...

12. Nyandere - "You're the purrfect boy, the cat's meow~" This character acts like a cat. They might be part cat. This is the anime catgirl, either literally or figuratively. If you're not making obnoxious puns what are you even doing, kill yourself. If furries aren't allowed in your world, you get a reroll because you made God proud and you don't deserve this.

Monday, September 4, 2017

[Cliche Quote About Mirrors On A Wall]

Sometime even the naively innocent become jadedly cynical, and the higher they stood the further they fall. Most Evil Queens were once Princesses, which gave up their pure hearts turning instead to a path of destructive greed for power and position. This lost innocence fuels their magical growth and dark powers, transforming those last vestiges of who or what they were into something dread and dangerous. Others were spellcasters first, alloying dark magic to their soul to give them a presence and dread command which allows them to stand and tower over normal mortals. Like Princesses, they may be any gender or identity; their hallmark is their vanity and self-centeredness, much like how a Princess can be a boy or girl, of royal or common blood, so long as they were beautiful, innocent souls.

Hit Die: d4
To-hit progression: As Wizard
Saves: As Cleric, changing any Wisdom references to Charisma
Weapons and armour: As Wizard
XP per level: As Cleric

Code of Conduct: An Evil Queen must, obviously, be of evil alignment. All good they do is ultimately to serve selfish ends, or because they are bound by their word out of a sense of honor. An Evil Queen must not feel genuine, selfless love for another person, and an Evil Queen that saves someone else at their own expense for no reward will lose their powers as their icy heart thaws into one capable of warmth.

Dark Tongues: An Evil Queen learns to speak the languages of the most dread of creatures, picking them up as naturally as a babe takes to their mother’s tongue. An Evil Queen learns Abyssal and Infernal as bonus languages (or some other language for the evil spirits of your world), if they already know one of these languages they may select another in its place.

Imperious Presence (CHA): An Evil Queen’s beauty is as great as her darkness, sensual and lovely even as it is reinforced by the dark magic woven through her soul. Any creature attempting to attack an Evil Queen must make a Wisdom Saving Throw or suffer a -4 penalty to attack rolls, increasing to -8 if it would deal lethal damage or kill the Evil Queen. Creatures which are attracted to the Evil Queen’s gender suffer a -2 penalty to this save.

Additionally, An Evil Queen is by her nature a ruler, even if she does not have the status yet. An Evil Queen adds her level to any intimidate or diplomacy checks in your games, based on Charisma, and never takes any penalties on this checks that aren't magical in nature. Additionally, when she makes reaction rolls with Evil-aligned NPCs, she always starts favorably with them.

Corruptive Charm (CHA): An Evil Queen’s magic corrupts and alters those it touches. Beginning at 2nd level, an Evil Queen can cast Charm Person as a spell-like ability 3/day per level. Whenever an Evil Queen successfully charms a creature that creature’s attitude towards her improves by one step (up to friendly) even after the effect ends, and that creature is incapable of realizing on its own that it was charmed. In addition if the Evil Queen keeps a creature charmed for at least 1 whole week then their alignment shifts one step towards Evil; a creature with class features which would be lost due to this alignment shift, an alignment subtype other than Evil, or any other metaphysical investment in a non-Evil alignment is immune to this change.

Witch’s Craft (CHA): An Evil Queen is a witch of the highest caliber and learns a variety of magic to work their will. At 3rd level, an Evil Queen gains spellcasting as a wizard (or sorcerer, if your game makes a distinction) as her level -2. If you have a Witch class in your game, you may also use that. Otherwise, use the Wizard/Sorcerer spell-list, with a preference for any spells for shapeshifting, scrying, cursing, desecration, mind control, summoning, glamours, and the like. Any spells on other spell lists that fit those themes should be allowed, and spells that obviously don't fit (summoning angels, selfless healing, etc.) should be restricted.

Binding Curses (CHA): At 4th level, Evil Queen’s baleful magic is of great power and resistance to attempts to remove them. Harmful spells with a permanent duration (curses) cast by an Evil Queen are unaffected by Anti-Magic. They cannot be dispelled, and save for a Wish or something equally powerful cannot be broken save for meeting the single condition the Evil Queen must impose. This may be as simple as “When the next Solar Eclipse occurs” or “If you bring me the Macguffin I demand”, or may be as impossible-seeming as “Until a week where two Mondays become one”. The conditions must be possible to accomplish, even if they must be met allegorically or symbolically. Fairy Tale logic is in full effect. Even death does not free a creature from an Evil Queen’s curses, the magic still extent when the target is resurrected (if they are) or reanimated as intelligent undead.

If an Evil Queen dies all her curses lose this benefit until she is resurrected. An Evil Queen may dispel her own spells normally. In addition a Princess’s Kiss to Break the Curse functions normally against such curses.

Timeless Body: An Evil Queen’s dark pacts sustain her body against age, maintaining her physical form and appearance even if it cannot hold back death. Beginning at 5th level an Evil Queen ceases to physically age, and her natural lifespan doubles.

Dark Binding (CHA): An Evil Queen is able to imbue those who serve her with power and in the process bind them to her. Beginning at 6th level an Evil Queen may bind a single creature to her will either with an act of intimacy (kiss, caress, etc) between her and the target, or an act of obeisance from the target is required to create this binding. To do so is a standard action and the target must be conscious and must not be struggling or physically resisting the kiss/caress/etc or go through the act of obeisance without magical or physical compulsion; threats are acceptable. Dark energy floods into the target and they may attempt a Wisdom Saving Throw to resist this dark binding. If they fail, or choose to forfeit their save, the binding is formed. The target gains: a +2 bonus to all ability scores, resistance to all damage equal to your Evil Queen level, a +1 to all perception checks plus 1/3 your Evil Queen level, and bonus HP equal to your Evil Queen level. However an Evil Queen may invert this effect at her will as a move action. If she does so the target loses all benefits and instead suffers an unbreakable curse of your design, utterly unbreakable even by the Gods. A Princess's Kiss is still capable of suppressing it for 24 hours.
The Evil Queen can end this binding at will as a standard action, or through attempting to bind another creature. Otherwise this binding can only be ended by the Evil Queen’s death.

Profane Grace (CHA): An Evil Queen is protected by the very force of evil that rages within her soul, warding away blows and baleful effects. Beginning at 7th level an Evil Queen gains a bonus to AC equal to their Charisma modifier and adds their Charisma modifier to saving throws.

Dread Beauty (CHA): An Evil Queen’s beauty is reinforced by her magical prowess, invading the minds of those who can see her, making their aim falter against her. Beginning at 9th level any creature which can see an Evil Queen is unable to attack her as if protected by the Sanctuary spell, save that she is not restricted from attacking others. A creature that is attracted to the Evil Queen’s gender is unable to make a save against this effect. This is a mind-affecting effect.

Dread Queen: An Evil Queen is a being of dread power and sovereignty. Beginning at 10th level she may apply a Dark Binding to a creature with hit dice no greater than her Evil Queen level without ending previous Dark Binding effects, and may have any number of creatures with hit dice no greater than her class level affected by Dark Binding at once. If she mistakenly tries to bind a creature with more than that many hit dice then nothing happens unless she chooses to break any previous Dark Binding applied to a creature with more hit dice than her class level. An Evil Queen with a Familiar, pacted demon, summoned creature, or other such companion may apply a Dark Binding to them regardless of their hit dice without it counting as their Dark Binding.
A creature attracted to the Evil Queen’s gender is considered to have 2 fewer hit dice for this effect.

Additionally, an Evil Queen of 10th level is able to construct a castle and start gathering followers as if they were a character class of whatever has the highest social standing in your games (a noble, if your game has one, or following that a Knight, Paladin, Cleric, or Fighter).


An ex-princess who becomes an Evil Queen gains certain special bonuses based upon their levels in Ex-Princess and may trade in her levels of Ex-Princess into Evil Queen levels, gaining additional abilities. Hell rewards and adores the corrupted innocents much more than those who come into its embrace more readily.

The abilities gained by an Evil Queen due to her ex-princess levels are listed below (cumulative except for casting):
1st: She gains an AC bonus as a princess of her ex-princess level.

2nd: She gains spellcasting as a 1st level sorcerer, and Fiendish Empathy. Fiendish Empathy (CHA) functions as Wild Empathy (or any equivalent ability to befriend, tame, and train animals that exists in your games) except it applies against evil Outsiders such as Devils and Demons (even mindless ones), evil aligned magical beasts, and anything with a Fiendish nature regardless of their Intelligence.

3rd: She gains spellcasting as a 2nd level sorcerer, and Dark Beauty. Dark Beauty (CHA) grants the Evil Queen a +4 bonus on deception checks and a +2 bonus on other Charisma based checks against creatures which can see her, and such creatures suffer a -2 penalty to checks made to deceive the Evil Queen. If a creature is attracted to the Evil Queen’s gender the bonus from Dark Beauty against them and penalty applied to them are both increased by 2.

4th: She gains Obscured Alignment. Obscured Alignment (WIS) prevents the Evil Queen’s alignment from being detected by any magical effect returning an answer of True Neutral, unless the Evil Queen overtly acts in an Evil manner, or chooses to suppress this ability.

5th: She gains a Wizard's familiar, except that they may not be a creature that naturally has a good alignment, a dove, or a songbird.

6th: She gains Behold My Beauty and Despair. Behold My Beauty and Despair (CHA) causes any enemy creature within 30-ft of you which can see you to have to make a Wisdom saving throw or be shaken as long as they are within the aura. This functions as the fearsome presence of a dragon. An Evil Queen may suppress or reactivate this ability as a free action. A creature attracted to the Evil Queen’s gender suffers a -2 penalty to their saving throw against this effect.

7th: She gains True Witch. True Witch allows an Evil Queen to change her appearance, freely and at-will. This is purely a cosmetic, magical effect, but she does count as a shapechanger for game effects.

8th: She gains Dark Healing. Dark Healing adds each Cure and Inflict spell, Lesser Restoration, Restoration, Greater Restoration, Harm, Heal, Raise Dead, Resurrection, and/or Revivify spell in your game's cleric list to your sorcerer spells known and spell list.

9th: She gains Charming Words. Any humanoid creature that she speaks to for at least 3 rounds must make a Wisdom saving throw or be charmed as Charm Monster for 1 hour. This is a mind-affecting effect, creatures attracted to the Evil Queen’s gender suffer a -2 penalty on their saves against this effect.

10th: She gains Queen of Hell. Once a year, an Evil Queen may cast Wish; or rather, she beseeches the powers of evil to grant her a Wish. So long as this wish furthers the interests of evil or undermines goodness, the spirit and intent of the wish is taken into consideration. However, this Wish is unable to directly effect a Princess. They cannot be killed, cursed, or have the effect of the wish manifest in their line of sight at the time of casting. The Princess's purity is so great that not even the infernal abyss may intrude upon its presence.