Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

A Fairy Godmother is an interesting trope; it's barely been used in fairy tales at all, and yet we all think of them as ubiquitous to the point of parodying them mercilessly, even though the parodies far outweigh the serious portrayals. In fact, the concept was made as part of a satirical "Mother" class in Dragon Magazine #238.

But I like the trope unironically and like all things pink, sparkly, sugar-sweet, and cute. So I'm going to literally take a joke too far and run with it.

In case you somehow don't know this archetype, the Fairy Godmother is a fairy (or magician) with magical powers that acts as a parental figure to a young protagonist, much like a literal godparent. A Fairy Godmother is a creature of good fortune, hope and love, and reward for the innocent and the downtrodden. There do exist, however, Wicked Fairy Godmothers. They spite and harm children, but they still possess a warped sense of nobility or even love under their evil. When they curse and cast calamity, it is to punish the inhospitable, the hard-hearted, and the misbehaving. They stylize their victims as moral lessons to others to keep walking the straight and narrow, even if their lessons are "Don't snub someone from a party or they'll murder your daughter." Manners are important.

Hit Dice, To-Hit, Proficiencies: as Magic-User
Saving Throws: As Halfling
Experience: As Elf
Prime Requisite: Charisma

Spellcasting: Fairy Godmothers cast spells as a Magic-User of their level, with the following differences. They have no need for spellbooks (use 3rd Edition-style Sorcerer rules if you prefer), and all parameters are determined by their Charisma instead of Intelligence. Additionally, if you have access to them, you may learn Witch spells as well as Magic-User ones. If you don't have access to them, allow drawing from Cleric/Bard/Druid spells that don't reference the divine. In any case, Fairy Godmothers cannot learn or use any spells that harm or hex. Wicked Fairy Godmothers, conversely, cannot use spells that help or heal. Additionally, they can craft Magic Items as a Magic-User and Witch of their level.

A Spoonful of Sugar: A Fairy Godmother is someone who cares for children. It's part and parcel of who they are. A Fairy Godmother cannot advance in levels unless they are currently matron to a child. A Fairy Godmother may choose one child (or all children from a single family), and is able to perfectly Scry on them at all times. The spells and abilities of a Fairy Godmother always succeed on their Godchildren, and are doubly effective if the Godmother wishes them to be. Children can include adolescents and particularly innocent and naive young adults. Princesses very commonly have a Fairy Godmother for their entire lives, and a child having multiple Fairy Godmothers is not unheard of. A Fairy Godmother can technically change her Godchild at any point, but unless they're the type who moves from home to home, fixing up broken families and the like, this is just a heartbreaking sort of thing to do.

Knit with the Needles of Fate: When serving as a midwife, the Fairy Godmother miraculously guarantees the good health of a newborn child, sparing them even from stillbirth. In addition, a Fairy Godmother can read the destiny of any infant she delivers or cares for, functioning as if they cast Commune at three times their level, though only in regards to seeing the destiny of the child. After doing this, the Godmother may Bless the child's life. This blessing can be anything, equivalent to making a chosen ability score set to the racial maximum, the use of a 2nd level spell ability 3/day, or some other powerful but subtle effect such as "May they always be kind, and have the means of doing right", or "May they never want for wealth and warmth, in home or heart," or even "May they love everyone and be loved by all in kind." This is a Wish-level ability that permanently alters the nature and destiny of the child.

A Few Of My Favorite Things: A Fairy Godmother of 5th level or higher can produce objects freely, and can be assumed to have any mundane object they desire in a bag or on their person, and can withdraw them with comical disregard of spatial dimensions. These objects are magical creations, and as such do not have any genuine monetary value. Not even fake coinage can be produced, as the objects are very fine and very authentic, but simply are aesthetically pure expressions of utility or decorum. These objects cannot be sold, either, and may only be freely given. However, you can only give gives to each person once a year, else the previous object will be destroyed by karmic happenstance. At least one Fairy Godfather makes a point of giving gifts to everyone, everywhere, every year...

Additionally, a Fairy Godmother can produce a Magic Item with this ability with more restrictions. They can only produce a single Magic Item, period. Any second item immediately destroys the first, and consumables cannot be produced. The Fairy Godmother does not need to meet the item crafting requirements for the item she conjures, however, she may not benefit from it. This Magic Item must be immediately gifted to one of their Godchildren. The Godchild can keep it if they lose their status, but they must be their Godchild at the time of receiving the gift.

Bibbidi Babbidi Boo!: A Fairy Godmother of 10th level or higher is no longer merely what they were. If they were a mortal practitioner, they have ascended into being as a fey. If they were a genuine fairy, they have gained a true soul through having loved and been loved by children. From now on, the Fairy Godmother counts as either humanoid or fey entirely situationally, when it would be beneficial. She no longer suffer the drawbacks of either type of being. She no longer ages, and if she looked old already, she has aged beautifully, gracefully. She will live endlessly, her body never tiring as a mortal's as long as her life is filled with the very stuff of youth. If she did not have them already, she also gains the following powers: Fly, Teleport Without Error, Enlarge/Reduce, Haste, Prestidigitation, and Invisibility, all at-will as the spells.
Finally, the Fairy Godmother receives a special magic wand that can substitute all material components of her magic, and her singing can substitute any somatic and verbal components. This wand, additionally, is a Wand of Polymorph Anything Into Any Other Thing, with unlimited charges, which functions only for her. The Polymorphing always has a temporary duration (Such as, until the clock strikes midnight), and can't be used on unwilling creatures whatsoever. Changed creatures do not receive the combat abilities of their new form either. Sorry, your spellcasting rules still apply.

A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes: A Fairy Godmother of 15th level or higher is now a Big Deal. You can now grant bonafide wishes to your Godchildren. Every Godchild you ever have can have the benefit of Limited Wish three times in their lives, or one true Wish, or seven Minor Wishes (Like Limited Wish except it only goes up to 4th level spells). You control the intent of the wish, but you must abide by the Godchild's wording. They cannot do harm to others or produce mind-control effects, you cannot coerce the wish in any way, shape, or form, and every wish must have some sort of moral lesson built into them unless they are pure, unselfish, or are their dearly earned reward for a lifetime of hardship. By moral lesson, one does not mean the wish should punish the child, but that realizing the full benefit should require the Godchild learn something good from the experience, so as to grow character.

Anything Can Happen: A Fairy Godmother of 20th level can be mistaken for a god. She can speak with all things, freely speaking with the dead, all animals, plants, stones, wind and rivers. She can speak with inanimate objects, the sun and moon and stars, and they will all do her favors for kindnesses done in turn. Aside from this already amazing ability, a Fairy Godmother can borrow magic from the world around her. Once a day, a Fairy Godmother can drain spells in effect, or the charges of magic items, around her, and cast a spell without expending her own spell slots. The spell drains charges equal to its own spell level. For example, a Fairy Godmother could cast a 7th level spell by dispelling a 3rd level spell on an ally, disenchanting a 2nd level potion, and draining two charges out of a staff. At some specified time, such as the stroke of midnight or the rising of the sun, the borrowed charges restore to their original places, even if it means restarting a dispelled spell effect, which would pick up its duration where it left off. An unexpected quirk of this ability is it always leaves a physical trace of the spell it was used to cast, such as a glass slipper...

Code of Conduct: Like a Paladin, there's certain rules for how a Fairy Godmother must behave, if she wishes to be practically perfect in every way. Unlike a paladin, she won't lose her abilities if she merely falls short of this sometimes; there's always room for improvement, after all. Only a rejection of the values below will cause one to become Wicked:
*Must have a cheery disposition
*Rosy cheeks, no warts
*Play games, all sorts
*Must be kind and witty
*Must be very sweet and fairly pretty
*Take your godchildren on outings and give them treats.
*Sing songs, bring sweets
*Never be cross or cruel
*Never give children castor oil or gruel
*Love your godchildren like a son or daughter
*Never smell of barley water
*Don't scold and dominate, too
*Never give your godchild cause to hate you

SIDEBAR: Princesses and Fairy Godmothers
The innocence of a Princess and the motherly love of a Fairy Godmother have more in common than one would think, even bearing in mind that the two always find themselves hand in hand in destiny's road. In the chance that a Princess reaches adulthood and loses their innocence, but does not lose their incorruptible, saintly purity of heart, they may trade their levels in the Princess class to immediately become an equivalent Fairy Godmother. There are some benefits to this; a Fairy Godmother that is a former Princess retains her Healing Affections, Too Fair to Kill, Friend to Nature, and Mystical/Miraculous Song abilities, though these no longer advance with their new level progression.

SIDEBAR: Wicked Fairy Godmothers
A Fairy Godmother that does not love children for who they are but only what they could be, or who sees children as a means to a moral point unto themselves. They are those who are monsters who prey on children so that those beyond their reach can be better for the fearful lesson. They function as a Fairy Godmother, save for the following exceptions: Firstly, they have no Code of Conduct, and can be right awful nannies and wicked old witches. Secondly, their spellcasting cannot include spells that help and heal.

Spoonful of Sugar is replaced by Brimstone and Treacle, which otherwise functions the same, but offers Godchildren no saving throw on hexes, harms, and curses set upon them, unless the child is a Princess.

Knit with the Needles of Fate becomes By the Prick of a Finger, which functions identically save that a child they midwife for will always have some sort of feytouched handicap or deformity. Additionally, instead of blessing the child, they may curse them. This can even go upwards as to curse a child to die in a certain way. These curses are Wish-level tragedies.

A Few Of My Favorite Things becomes Poor Unfortunate Souls. The limit on the gifts they produce is removed, but now they are Deals. A Deal requires the subject to trade something to you, such as their soul, their voice, their most prized possession, or whatever fey bargain you can manage. The deal must hurt. No "I'll give you this Staff of the Archmagi in exchange for your toenail clippings" bullshit.

A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes becomes Friends on the Other Side. Your wishing ability functions like Poor Unfortunate Souls, trading wishes for painful deals. However, there is no limit on how many wishes you can grant, so long as someone is stupid enough to pay.

Anything Can Happen is replaced by Maleficence. Should you ever be brought to 0 HP, you can permanently sacrifice anything to become a horrifying dragon and everything that entails, forever becoming a terrible creature of unfathomable darkness and arcane might.

Fuck Negative Levels, Negative Classes!

So before you read any further please read Basic Red's Crazy Boys article. I'll wait. It's super good and if you haven't read it already you're wasting my time.

... Got it? Good.

I love this. This immediately replaced ordinary Level Drain for me, because honestly fuck that shit no one enjoys it, not even sadistic GMs because the number-crunching in reverse is annoying. I've changed it even from Basic Red's idea, however, and so that's why we're here.

First of all, don't change XP. The most recent level is turned into a Crazy Boy/Bitch level. When you gain a level, not only do you gain an ordinary level up, but you can change a single Crazy Boy level back to normal. You can also choose to continue advancing as a Crazy Boy, if you want to run that story arc. Anything that cures Level Drain cures Crazy Boy levels.

Instead of becoming an NPC at Name Level, the change happens when you run out of normal levels. As for what you become, well...I'll get to that. Everything else is the same.

Except you don't lose class features. At least, you don't lose them for nothing. Class features are inverted. That ability you got in your most recent level is reversed into an anti-ability of some sort.

Spellcasters are easy; spells you learned that level are twisted, or cleric spell slots are negatized to an opposite divinity. If you were a necromancer, your infected spells are Vivimancy spells. If you were an illusionist, your spells now purely affect the Real, or are spells to make true things not.

Other supernatural abilities are generally pretty easy. A Paladin's most-recent level is now a Blackguard level even if they're still a good person. A psionicist's mental powers now draw purely off their dark and terrifying subconscious id instead of representing their mental discipline. A bard's music demoralizes and emotionally destroys their enemies instead of bolstering and uplifting their friends.

The mundane abilities of classes like the fighter and thief are a bit more difficult, but just remember that you're inverting these abilities to be subversive and entropic. For a Fighter, for example, their lowering base to-hit is replaced with standard undead immunities. They're slowly given more and more resistances, immunities, and no-sells to various means of harm and other conditions. They slowly become invincible, immune to more and more forms of magic, ignoring more and more weapons and elements. They stand there, having less and less means of retaliation, but become better and better walls. They are the Anti-Fighter, because combat is futile. You can't stop them, and they can't accomplish anything.

The rogue, meanwhile, becomes more based around subverting the success of others. The corruption of a thief makes their skills succeed by making it more difficult for others. They open doors by breaking locks and destroying traps so they can't be disabled again afterwards. They climb walls by splurching upwards like horrid slugs, greasing the walls behind them with slippery slime. They become less adept at stealing things because they end up destroying what they try to take, thus no one has it.

The corruption of these Negative Classes implies the truth of what's happening. The more one is corrupted by Level Drain, the more they become a Monster. Rather than being totally normal until they lose all their levels and insta-corrupting into a Wight or whatever, it is a gradual process that can be observed step by step. When the process is complete, the former PC rises as an entirely unique undead abomination, with unholy powers unique shadows of what they could do in life. Invert everything, at this point. They might have normal to-hit, saves, and hit dice as they're not longer punished PCs, but their powers still remain qlippothic antagonisms.

Additionally all creatures with Energy Drain should have some additional special effect to reflect this. For instance, Vampires should make you more and more like a vampire in addition to everything else, and ghosts should slowly possess you with their own thoughts and emotions, creating a gradual overwriting of your original will rather than the ghost just piloting your body.

For instance, my party recently dealt with a child-wight that played off their protective instincts by pretending to be an innocent waif needing protection. As they held him, played with him, walked with him as they held hands, he sapped their soul. With the Energy Drain came a progressive Charm effect, making them more and more obsessed with the child-wight's safety and happiness. You know Omen where Damien basically telepathically brainwashes his mother? Yea, that shit.

You're doing Level Drain wrong. Do this. It's way better. Hell, your players might actually WANT to get Energy Drained. And if that's what they want, well.... hehehe.

[Cliche Quote About Mirrors On A Wall]

Sometime even the naively innocent become jadedly cynical, and the higher they stood the further they fall. Most Evil Queens were once Princesses, which gave up their pure hearts turning instead to a path of destructive greed for power and position. This lost innocence fuels their magical growth and dark powers, transforming those last vestiges of who or what they were into something dread and dangerous. Others were spellcasters first, alloying dark magic to their soul to give them a presence and dread command which allows them to stand and tower over normal mortals. Like Princesses, they may be any gender or identity; their hallmark is their vanity and self-centeredness, much like how a Princess can be a boy or girl, of royal or common blood, so long as they were beautiful, innocent souls.

Hit Die: d4

To-hit progression: As Wizard

Saves: As Cleric, changing any Wisdom references to Charisma

Weapons and armour: As Wizard

XP per level: As Cleric

Code of Conduct: An Evil Queen must, obviously, be of evil alignment. All good they do is ultimately to serve selfish ends, or because they are bound by their word out of a sense of honor. An Evil Queen must not feel genuine, selfless love for another person, and an Evil Queen that saves someone else at their own expense for no reward will lose their powers as their icy heart thaws into one capable of warmth.

Dark Tongues: An Evil Queen learns to speak the languages of the most dread of creatures, picking them up as naturally as a babe takes to their mother’s tongue. An Evil Queen learns Abyssal and Infernal as bonus languages (or some other language for the evil spirits of your world), if they already know one of these languages they may select another in its place.

Imperious Presence (CHA): An Evil Queen’s beauty is as great as her darkness, sensual and lovely even as it is reinforced by the dark magic woven through her soul. Any creature attempting to attack an Evil Queen must make a Wisdom Saving Throw or suffer a -4 penalty to attack rolls, increasing to -8 if it would deal lethal damage or kill the Evil Queen. Creatures which are attracted to the Evil Queen’s gender suffer a -2 penalty to this save.

Additionally, An Evil Queen is by her nature a ruler, even if she does not have the status yet. An Evil Queen adds her level to any intimidate or diplomacy checks in your games, based on Charisma, and never takes any penalties on this checks that aren't magical in nature. Additionally, when she makes reaction rolls with Evil-aligned NPCs, she always starts favorably with them.

Corruptive Charm (CHA): An Evil Queen’s magic corrupts and alters those it touches. Beginning at 2nd level, an Evil Queen can cast Charm Person as a spell-like ability 3/day per level. Whenever an Evil Queen successfully charms a creature that creature’s attitude towards her improves by one step (up to friendly) even after the effect ends, and that creature is incapable of realizing on its own that it was charmed. In addition if the Evil Queen keeps a creature charmed for at least 1 whole week then their alignment shifts one step towards Evil; a creature with class features which would be lost due to this alignment shift, an alignment subtype other than Evil, or any other metaphysical investment in a non-Evil alignment is immune to this change.

Witch’s Craft (CHA): An Evil Queen is a witch of the highest caliber and learns a variety of magic to work their will. At 3^rd level, an Evil Queen gains spellcasting as a wizard (or sorcerer, if your game makes a distinction) as her level -2. If you have a Witch class in your game, you may also use that. Otherwise, use the Wizard/Sorcerer spell-list, with a preference for any spells for shapeshifting, scrying, cursing, desecration, mind control, summoning, glamours, and the like. Any spells on other spell lists that fit those themes should be allowed, and spells that obviously don't fit (summoning angels, selfless healing, etc.) should be restricted.

Binding Curses (CHA): At 4^th level, Evil Queen’s baleful magic is of great power and resistance to attempts to remove them. Harmful spells with a permanent duration (curses) cast by an Evil Queen are unaffected by Anti-Magic. They cannot be dispelled, and save for a Wish or something equally powerful cannot be broken save for meeting the single condition the Evil Queen must impose. This may be as simple as “When the next Solar Eclipse occurs” or “If you bring me the Macguffin I demand”, or may be as impossible-seeming as “Until a week where two Mondays become one”. The conditions must be possible to accomplish, even if they must be met allegorically or symbolically. Fairy Tale logic is in full effect. Even death does not free a creature from an Evil Queen’s curses, the magic still extent when the target is resurrected (if they are) or reanimated as intelligent undead.

If an Evil Queen dies all her curses lose this benefit until she is resurrected. An Evil Queen may dispel her own spells normally. In addition a Princess’s Kiss to Break the Curse functions normally against such curses.

Timeless Body: An Evil Queen’s dark pacts sustain her body against age, maintaining her physical form and appearance even if it cannot hold back death. Beginning at 5th level an Evil Queen ceases to physically age, and her natural lifespan doubles.

Dark Binding (CHA): An Evil Queen is able to imbue those who serve her with power and in the process bind them to her. Beginning at 6th level an Evil Queen may bind a single creature to her will either with an act of intimacy (kiss, caress, etc) between her and the target, or an act of obeisance from the target is required to create this binding. To do so is a standard action and the target must be conscious and must not be struggling or physically resisting the kiss/caress/etc or go through the act of obeisance without magical or physical compulsion; threats are acceptable. Dark energy floods into the target and they may attempt a Wisdom Saving Throw to resist this dark binding. If they fail, or choose to forfeit their save, the binding is formed. The target gains: a +2 bonus to all ability scores, resistance to all damage equal to your Evil Queen level, a +1 to all perception checks plus 1/3 your Evil Queen level, and bonus HP equal to your Evil Queen level. However an Evil Queen may invert this effect at her will as a move action. If she does so the target loses all benefits and instead suffers an unbreakable curse of your design, utterly unbreakable even by the Gods. A Princess's Kiss is still capable of suppressing it for 24 hours.
The Evil Queen can end this binding at will as a standard action, or through attempting to bind another creature. Otherwise this binding can only be ended by the Evil Queen’s death.

Profane Grace (CHA): An Evil Queen is protected by the very force of evil that rages within her soul, warding away blows and baleful effects. Beginning at 7th level an Evil Queen gains a bonus to AC equal to their Charisma modifier and adds their Charisma modifier to saving throws.

Dread Beauty (CHA): An Evil Queen’s beauty is reinforced by her magical prowess, invading the minds of those who can see her, making their aim falter against her. Beginning at 9th level any creature which can see an Evil Queen is unable to attack her as if protected by the Sanctuary spell, save that she is not restricted from attacking others. A creature that is attracted to the Evil Queen’s gender is unable to make a save against this effect. This is a mind-affecting effect.

Dread Queen: An Evil Queen is a being of dread power and sovereignty. Beginning at 10th level she may apply a Dark Binding to a creature with hit dice no greater than her Evil Queen level without ending previous Dark Binding effects, and may have any number of creatures with hit dice no greater than her class level affected by Dark Binding at once. If she mistakenly tries to bind a creature with more than that many hit dice then nothing happens unless she chooses to break any previous Dark Binding applied to a creature with more hit dice than her class level. An Evil Queen with a Familiar, pacted demon, summoned creature, or other such companion may apply a Dark Binding to them regardless of their hit dice without it counting as their Dark Binding.
A creature attracted to the Evil Queen’s gender is considered to have 2 fewer hit dice for this effect.

Additionally, an Evil Queen of 10^th level is able to construct a castle and start gathering followers as if they were a character class of whatever has the highest social standing in your games (a noble, if your game has one, or following that a Knight, Paladin, Cleric, or Fighter).

FALLEN PRINCESSES:

An ex-princess who becomes an Evil Queen gains certain special bonuses based upon their levels in Ex-Princess and may trade in her levels of Ex-Princess into Evil Queen levels, gaining additional abilities. Hell rewards and adores the corrupted innocents much more than those who come into its embrace more readily.

The abilities gained by an Evil Queen due to her ex-princess levels are listed below (cumulative except for casting):
1st: She gains an AC bonus as a princess of her ex-princess level.

2nd: She gains spellcasting as a 1st level sorcerer, and Fiendish Empathy. Fiendish Empathy (CHA) functions as Wild Empathy (or any equivalent ability to befriend, tame, and train animals that exists in your games) except it applies against evil Outsiders such as Devils and Demons (even mindless ones), evil aligned magical beasts, and anything with a Fiendish nature regardless of their Intelligence.

3rd: She gains spellcasting as a 2nd level sorcerer, and Dark Beauty. Dark Beauty (CHA) grants the Evil Queen a +4 bonus on deception checks and a +2 bonus on other Charisma based checks against creatures which can see her, and such creatures suffer a -2 penalty to checks made to deceive the Evil Queen. If a creature is attracted to the Evil Queen’s gender the bonus from Dark Beauty against them and penalty applied to them are both increased by 2.

4th: She gains Obscured Alignment. Obscured Alignment (WIS) prevents the Evil Queen’s alignment from being detected by any magical effect returning an answer of True Neutral, unless the Evil Queen overtly acts in an Evil manner, or chooses to suppress this ability.

5th: She gains a Wizard's familiar, except that they may not be a creature that naturally has a good alignment, a dove, or a songbird.

6th: She gains Behold My Beauty and Despair. Behold My Beauty and Despair (CHA) causes any enemy creature within 30-ft of you which can see you to have to make a Wisdom saving throw or be shaken as long as they are within the aura. This functions as the fearsome presence of a dragon. An Evil Queen may suppress or reactivate this ability as a free action. A creature attracted to the Evil Queen’s gender suffers a -2 penalty to their saving throw against this effect.

7th: She gains True Witch. True Witch allows an Evil Queen to change her appearance, freely and at-will. This is purely a cosmetic, magical effect, but she does count as a shapechanger for game effects.

8th: She gains Dark Healing. Dark Healing adds each Cure and Inflict spell, Lesser Restoration, Restoration, Greater Restoration, Harm, Heal, Raise Dead, Resurrection, and/or Revivify spell in your game's cleric list to your sorcerer spells known and spell list.

9th: She gains Charming Words. Any humanoid creature that she speaks to for at least 3 rounds must make a Wisdom saving throw or be charmed as Charm Monster for 1 hour. This is a mind-affecting effect, creatures attracted to the Evil Queen’s gender suffer a -2 penalty on their saves against this effect.

10th: She gains Queen of Hell. Once a year, an Evil Queen may cast Wish; or rather, she beseeches the powers of evil to grant her a Wish. So long as this wish furthers the interests of evil or undermines goodness, the spirit and intent of the wish is taken into consideration. However, this Wish is unable to directly effect a Princess. They cannot be killed, cursed, or have the effect of the wish manifest in their line of sight at the time of casting. The Princess's purity is so great that not even the infernal abyss may intrude upon its presence.